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What is Trauma Bonding?
Trauma bonding is a psychological phenomenon that can occur in abusive or traumatic relationships. It's a type of intense attachment that develops between the victim and the abuser, often characterized by cycles of idealization, devaluation, and control. Victims of trauma bonding may feel unable to leave the relationship, despite the harm they are experiencing, due to a sense of dependence, fear, or loyalty to the abuser. Trauma bonding can be difficult to recognize and can have long-lasting effects on a person's emotional and psychological well-being. Seeking professional help and support is important for breaking free from trauma bonding and healing from the effects of abuse.
Trauma bonding is a complex psychological phenomenon that can develop in abusive or traumatic relationships. The following are the seven stages of trauma bonding, as described by experts in the field:
1. Love Bombing:
The abuser overwhelms the victim with attention, affection, flattery, and promises. This creates a sense of euphoria and attachment in the victim.
2. Trust and Dependency:
The victim starts to depend on the abuser for emotional and physical support. They may feel they have found their "soulmate" or a close friend they can rely on.
3. Criticism:
The abuser starts to criticize, insult, or belittle the victim, undermining their self-esteem and creating self-doubt in the victim.
4. Gaslighting:
The abuser manipulates the victim's perception of reality, causing the victim to question their own judgment, memory, or sanity. This creates confusion and a sense of powerlessness in the victim.
5. Resigning to Control:
The victim begins to accept the abuser's control and starts to lose their own sense of autonomy and agency. They may feel like they are powerless to leave the relationship or change the dynamic.
6. Loss of Self:
The victim starts to lose their own identity and sense of self, adopting the abuser's beliefs, values, and behaviors. They may feel like they are losing themselves in the relationship.
7. Addiction:
The victim becomes addicted to the highs and lows of the abusive relationship, making it difficult for them to leave or seek help. They may feel like they are unable to function without the abuser's presence or approval.
How does it impact hormones?
Trauma bonding can have significant effects on the hormones in the body. During a traumatic experience or abusive relationship, the body's stress response is activated, leading to the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. When this stress response is activated repeatedly over time, as in the case of trauma bonding, it can have a lasting impact on the body's hormonal balance.
Studies have shown that prolonged exposure to stress hormones can lead to changes in the brain, including the hippocampus and amygdala, which are involved in regulating emotions and memory. These changes can result in symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and difficulty regulating emotions.
The bonding hormone oxytocin has been found to be involved in trauma bonding. Oxytocin is typically associated with positive social bonding experiences, such as those that occur between parents and children or romantic partners. However, research suggests that in the context of abusive relationships, oxytocin may be involved in creating and maintaining the bond between the victim and abuser.
Studies have shown that trauma bonding can have a lasting impact on the body's stress response system, leading to changes in cortisol levels and the body's ability to regulate stress. This can contribute to a range of physical and psychological health problems, including chronic pain, digestive issues, and mental health disorders like PTSD.
Trauma bonding can have significant effects on the hormones in the body, contributing to a range of physical and psychological health problems. Seeking professional help and support is important for breaking free from trauma bonding and addressing the underlying physical and emotional effects of abuse.
Trauma bonding & ADHD
If an individual is neurodivergent, such as having ADHD, trauma bonding can impact them in different ways compared to those who are neurotypical. ADHD can affect an individual's ability to focus, regulate emotions, and control impulses, which can make it harder to recognize and leave abusive relationships.
For example, an individual with ADHD may struggle with impulsivity, which can lead to difficulty controlling their responses to abusive behavior. They may also have difficulty with emotional regulation, making it harder to identify and manage the intense emotions that come with trauma bonding.
Additionally, ADHD can impact an individual's executive functioning, which includes abilities like planning, prioritizing, and decision-making. These skills can be critical for identifying and leaving an abusive relationship, but may be impaired in individuals with ADHD.
Some research suggests that individuals with ADHD may be more susceptible to developing addictive behaviors, including addiction to relationships or substances. This susceptibility could potentially exacerbate the effects of trauma bonding, making it even harder to break free from an abusive relationship.
Neurodivergence can impact an individual's experience of trauma bonding and their ability to recognize and leave abusive relationships. Seeking support from mental health professionals who are familiar with neurodivergence can be helpful in navigating the challenges of trauma bonding and developing strategies to address the specific needs of neurodivergent individuals.
Healing a Trauma Bond
Breaking a trauma bond can be a difficult and complex process that may require professional support. However, there are several steps that individuals can take to begin healing and recovering from trauma bonding:
Acknowledge the situation:
Recognize that the relationship is abusive and that the trauma bond is real. Acknowledge the negative impact that the relationship is having on your life.
Seek support:
Reach out to a trusted friend or family member, or consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. A mental health professional can help you process your feelings, develop coping strategies, and create a plan for leaving the abusive relationship.
Develop self-care practices:
Practice self-care activities that promote physical and emotional well-being, such as exercise, healthy eating, getting enough sleep, and engaging in hobbies and activities that bring you joy.
Establish healthy boundaries:
Establishing boundaries can be challenging in an abusive relationship, but it is an essential step in breaking the trauma bond. Consider setting limits on contact with the abuser, or seeking a restraining order if necessary.
Develop a safety plan:
Create a safety plan that includes steps to take if the situation escalates or if you need to leave the relationship quickly. This may include identifying a safe place to go, arranging for transportation, and having emergency supplies on hand.
Identify and challenge distorted beliefs:
Abusers often use manipulation and gaslighting to create a distorted reality in the victim's mind. Recognizing and challenging these beliefs can be an important step in breaking the trauma bond and healing from the relationship.
Healing from a trauma bond can be a challenging and ongoing process. It is important to seek support from trusted sources and to prioritize self-care and safety as you work towards breaking free from an abusive relationship.